Monster High Dolls .com

News and Reviews of Monster High Dolls, Plush Toys, and More!

this is how i met ula d.i was walking aroned the grave yard on halloween a sadow zoomed akrosed the the grond hello is anyone thare? I said then i herd a hissssss! I was frecked out! At first i thoght it was my bro playing a trick on me so i pulled my flash light out terned it on and jumped ware it was hiding and said BOO!!!!!!Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh she yelled i steped back and shind the light in her face.Ahhhhhhhh get that out of my face!!!She yelled. i did as i was told i ternd it of and put it in my pockit.Who are you?I asked im...im...draclaura but you can call me ula d she said nevisley.Im jessica but you can call me jess,jessie,jessica or JJ i said like i was talking to my friend.oh she said.Im 9 how old are you?I asked.Im 1,599 she said niceley.WHAT!!! i yelled.Ya im a vampire.Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i backed up slowley are you gonna drink my b but right be for i colud finsh the sintince she said dont say the b word.What blood? i asked.Yessss she said then fanted.Omg!I made a vamp faint!.................Ten mins later........she wook up.Dont say that!!!!! She yelled.Sorry i didnt mean to i didnt know i said. its ok im a vegatareon vampire she said huggraley.Are you hunggry i asked.Yes i am she said.Will i will make you some pizza ok i said.Ok she said.I russed home made some 5 hole pizzas and whent back to the grave yard but when i got thare you wont baleve what was thare her whole family im talkin mom dad bro ant uncle and her!Ineed more pizzas i said i russed back made i dont know like 12 more pizzas and russed back.Dont worry jessie i told thame not to drink your you know she said.Yeah i know i said. they ate that pizza all up.Dang it i need to go i said. aww bye her family said. bye i said. And well thats it i hope you liked it and my naxt will be how i met cleo and sorry if i spelled stuff rong.

Views: 318

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

like it

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh gosh. Another one of your stories. No offense, but you say you try your best, but you put like NO effort into it at all.

I'm afraid I agree.  Take some time on these and they could be really good.  They belong in the fan fiction for one.  Also this is CONSTRUCTIVE critisism.  I'm trying to help you to make your work better.

Awesome!! Nice job.

Grammar.

Punctuation.

Capitalisation.

And the 'New Speaker, new Paragraph' rule, as well.

Please take these things into consideration.

:( the onley nice person here is kelly de nile the rast are mean I TRY SO LEAVE ME ALONE AND CUT ME SOME SLACK IM LITTLE SO BE QWIT AND STOP READING IT  ty kelly de nile

 



Aki Cross, the ninja said:
Oh gosh. Another one of your stories. No offense, but you say you try your best, but you put like NO effort into it at all. be qwit you meany :(

i put alot of effert in to it

 

English is not your first language?

Then perhaps a Beta-Reader might help.

*Gives out her card*
You're in luck, I'll gladly look over your work and work out the mistakes. 

Again.  Look into the definition of the word constructive critisism.

Most people are giving you TIPS to make this BETTER!

sherrymackrell said:

:( the onley nice person here is kelly de nile the rast are mean I TRY SO LEAVE ME ALONE AND CUT ME SOME SLACK IM LITTLE SO BE QWIT AND STOP READING IT  ty kelly de nile

 

She didn't ask for tips. Nor are we here to critique her writing.

RSS

© 2019   Created by Stu Carter.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service